We Must Not Be Afraid of Them

These past couple of weeks have seen a flurry of "likes" directed towards the question we pose every morning at 10:05 am in our seminars (the ones we constantly regret signing up for "for fun" because it's not fun it's fucking torture...). It is the same question that comes back to haunt us in those last few moments before sleep, when we know we should go turn off the record player because it's skipping over a certain roommate's precious Tim Hecker LP. While some of you may believe I am obnoxiously flaunting my pitchfork-approved ambient music tastes, I refer to Mr. Hecker (Ph.D. candidate and teacher at McGill University) because he is a prime example of why this question - the following question - is pertinent.

Professor or Hobo?

Indeed, the recently popular online quiz has hit the nail on the head. Professor or Hobo? Sometimes it's hard to tell. So often do I ponder the aesthetics of the frazzled, grey beard-nest.

Such existential pondering, however, is only supplementary to the real question we must ask ourselves. This is the question that presents itself perhaps less often than the "Probo" question. Yet when it does manifest, this question burrows into your brain and sets up camp deep into the goo of your consciousness. Indeed, we should all be asking ourselves the following, for it concerns all of us.

T.A. or Crackhead?

While the Professor/Hobo complex proves to be intriguing, the T.A./Crackhead debate wages war upon the undergraduate student population with no remorse. It is terrifying in its unknowability. As investigators of culture, however, we must be strong in our persistence until the bitter end. We must understand the politics of the issue. To this end, there are a number of areas which demand inquiry and thorough analysis:

1. Of course, The most obvious similarity between teaching assistants and crack cocaine addicts, and a primary contributing factor to their indistinguishability, is their cognitive logic. In both cases, the individual shows unnatural and often disturbing logical processes which stray far from those of the average person. Such is typically evidenced by teaching assistants' erratic marking schemes, and their evident lack of logic - much like the lack of logic corresponding to a crack cocaine addict's violent ranting (in certain cases, the teaching assistant may also be prone to displaying such aggressive and illogical behaviour). Indeed, a common manifestation of this logical deficit in teaching assistants is a vastly unpredictable yet very stubborn grading system, which may result in a student receiving a broad and unexplainable range of grades. For example, a student may consecutively receive a grade of "D", an "A", and a "B-" on three different essays of the same quality. As a result, undergraduate students continually feel confusion or anxiety upon confronting their teaching assistants, similar to the affective response one might have upon experience interacting with other unstable individuals, such as crack cocaine addicts.

2. Appearance and mannerisms are another important point of similarity between the two groups. Most teaching assistants and crack cocaine addicts can be characterized by having dark circles around the eyes, poor oral hygiene, and sunken cheeks. Both groups also may be prone to twitching and flinching involuntarily.

3. The geographic habits of teaching assistants and crack cocaine addicts are a mostly unchartered area, however, we can make some preliminary remarks on their overlap. Crack cocaine addicts' renowned association with the infamous "crack den" may shine some light on the relationship between teaching assistants and basement offices, as the two spaces bear similar qualities. Crack dens and T.A. offices are dark, claustrophobic spaces which may be structurally unsound, or in need of weatherproofing. The two spaces are often shared with other teaching assistants or crackheads. Furthermore, the general secrecy and suspicious nature of T.A. offices may correlate to the hidden and obscure space of the crack den. T.A. offices sometimes have a "PLEASE KNOCK" (triple underlined) sign posted on the locked door. On one occasion, my teaching assistant actually answered the door then closed it swiftly behind him, insisting that we discuss my essay in the hallway outside his office. Such occurrences further imbue the space with a forbidden and suspect ambiance.

4. Lastly, there seems to be a common trajectory with regards to the development of the teaching assistant/crack cocaine addict. Understanding this trajectory may prove to be important in controlling, and eventually preventing, the descent to teaching assistant/crack cocaine addict. Research has conclusively shown that marijuana is a "gateway" drug, introducing the marijuana smoker into a large network of amphetamines, hallucinogens, opiates, etc. Likewise, experts have found that the undergraduate degree (particularly the ever popular Bachelor of Arts) is a "gateway" degree, with more undergraduate students than ever before applying to master programs months before their own graduation. Most important to our pursuit, however, is the intersection of these two sets. The undergraduate degree has been proven as the most popular degree among marijuana smokers and, to many, is indeed the "stoner degree." With marijuana and undergraduate studies acting as "gateways" to hard drugs and graduate studies respectively, it is not difficult to see the downward trajectory from undergraduate student/marijuana smoker to teaching assistant/crack cocaine addict.





JULIA