1. MONKEYS. Spearheaded by the newest installment of the ever-relevant Planet of the Apes series, monkeys are a top trend of November. Haven’t you been experiencing the insurmountable problem of itchy armpits (that demand scratching) an awful lot this past year? While monkey impressions have been popular since grade seven, never before has the phrase “I want a monkey” or even “I wish I was a monkey” been uttered so frequently, and with so much conviction. Special mention goes to the popular trend of revisiting past Simpsons’ episodes that feature monkeys:
2. ELVIS. Will and Kate could take a couple pointers from the late King (God rest his soul), cause this royal knew how to part-ay. As quoted from his Wikipedia page:
"Keyboardist Tony Brown remembers the singer's arrival at a University of Maryland concert: "He fell out of the limousine, to his knees. People jumped to help, and he pushed them away like, 'Don't help me.' He walked on stage and held onto the mike for the first thirty minutes like it was a post. Everybody's looking at each other like, Is the tour gonna happen?" Guitarist John Wilkinson recalled, "He was all gut. He was slurring. He was so fucked up. ... It was obvious he was drugged. It was obvious there was something terribly wrong with his body. It was so bad the words to the songs were barely intelligible. ... I remember crying. He could barely get through the introductions". Wilkinson recounted that a few nights later in Detroit, "I watched him in his dressing room, just draped over a chair, unable to move. So often I thought, 'Boss, why don't you just cancel this tour and take a year off...?' I mentioned something once in a guarded moment. He patted me on the back and said, 'It'll be all right. Don't you worry about it.'"
But he just carried it off so well. You can't learn that kind of class.
3. BLACK COFFEE. We’re so over milk and sugar. They just waste precious room in our coffee mugs. Whiskey optional.
4. OMNISCIENT HOUSEHOLD OBJECTS/PETS. Lenny the fish and Professor X the x-mas plant are clearly leaders of this category, however, Virginia the bong, as well as recent rumours of the electric kettle that has been “turning itself on” also deserve recognition.
5. GUY MADDIN. He’s the new David Lynch. (And David Lynch is the new Donald Trump.) But seriously, wait til you see Keyhole. Wowza. Like Inland Empire kinda wowza. Also notable that my class’s Guy Maddin installation is at the end of a five-day long “Focusin” fun time with Mr. Essay, effectively replacing Mulholland Drive in the drug-induced/sleep-deprived/David Lynch/nightmare category. This category is characterized by a difficulty in distinguishing dreams from reality; Alanna Thain is everywhere. Did I really boycott the film studies barbeque with her in a station wagon? It’s impossible to say.
you so can't
ReplyDelete