omigod... SHOES!

Okay, so this post isn't actually about that hilariously annoying in a ha-ha-ha-please-let-this-stop kind of way youtube classic.

Although I have suspicions that when the "OMG, Shoes" video went viral it may have spawned more than we had foreseen in the realm of shoe pastiche. New Media classes everywhere have been completely underestimating how absolutely sick a viral video can make culture. Sick, people.

Because kids these days have been bit by the ugly shoe bug. I duly noted a couple of autumns back how "ugly" was the new "sexy" in footwear. Old Doc Martens, weird brown lace ups, or as my sister had, shoes that you might find on a medieval movie set. If you didn't own any, then fuck you. I raided many a thrift shop, ready to claw my way to the ugliest, brownest, cheapest pair.

For a group that's rah-rah-rahing all over the place about "sustainability", the hipster lifestyle is so freaking unsustainable that I may as well be eating a Meat Lovers' Pizza every day. You don't know that I haven't been.

Let's face it. The shoes were already fucked when I bought them. I think I made the holes work pretty well with my holey jacket (bought under similar circumstances) and skinny jeans. At least that's how my roommate assured me. But there's only so many rainy October nights when you can laugh off your freezing, soaking feet before the heel is entirely worn down and you accidentally step on a shard of glass. Nobody's laughing then.

So I'm proud to say that I, being two steps ahead of even the most fashionable fool at all times, have reached the next level in shoe irony. My shoes are so old and ugly they don't even have soles anymore. Yes, the sustainable lifestyle has reduced me to wearing (a) the neon sneakers I wore in grade 10 and (b) other bizarre boots I have purchased in various foreign countries but never been able to find an occasion for.

Fuck you, hipsters. Eat my neon dust.