Fanny Pack Attack

There were many titles in consideration for this second-ever post: "Fanny Pack Alert." "Revenge of the Fanny Pack." But this one won out for being better than "Attack of the Fanny Pack," and also reminding me of Art Attack. (In searching for an appropriate "Art Attack" link or at least one better than the flash-drenched official version, Google Chrome informed me that Angry Birds was now in the Google Chrome Store and encouraged me to Get Angry Birds Now. How is that good advertising to anyone? Do people click that? Do they Want Angry Birds Now? Also, apparently they replaced The Head! Cultural Wha? alert!)

Anyway, walking down the street today directly in front of me emerges a man in a purple t-shirt and an obviously more freshly adorned fanny pack from his front door, stepping in front of me. Honestly, those things look bad even from the back. And that's not even where the main business of the fanny pack lies. That's not even like, the main attraction. A fanny pack from the back is like, Mount Rushmore from the back.

I began to wonder what could possible be necessary about widespread fanny pack usage, aside from adding to our long list of fashion rapes and kills in the name of imitating nature. We pad our feet and slick our skin, not to mention of course stick our lipsticks inside theirs. But really, is the marsupial advantage really the one that should be so lustily imitated by those in need of a hands free fix for their personal items? Firstly, think about it. You're supposed to keep babies in there. If we were supposed to put coupons in our uterus, the universe would have also figured out a natural reason why coupons are necessary. It's creepy. Get a backpack. They're a lot sexier.

Of course, I must add that when worn by a member of the hipster generation, fanny packs are very cool, acceptable, and even good-looking or "original." Everything is cooler when young people think of it.

AMY