One Less Lonely Girl

So I started my morning, as most do, with a glass of chocolate soy milk and a look at the video for the aforementioned Bieb's (Biebs'? Biebs's?) "One Less Lonely Girl".

I'll spare you an easily look-upable link since it's the usual pre-teen pop video: nearly impossible to get through. Predictably replete with guitar-playing in that lovable "look ma! no hands!" style for easy editing, grand romantic gestures, and awkward shorter boy-taller girl slow dancing. Justin make such promises as, "I'll shower you with kisses" (i.e. cum when he gets too excited and doesn't know which goes where due to his Catholic school's faulty sex ed program).

It's all in the spirit of good-natured ribbing. What I was really looking for were the lyrics. I decided to re-post on Bieber because I recently asked the aforementioned Michael's mom (1957-) and two eighteenish-year-old girls what this whole "Lonely Girl" business was about, since they seemed quite enthused about it. They told me what I had assumed, that the song is basically about being rescued by your knight in shining armour. And it is, but in that weird way where the lyrics essentially tell little girls that they've already taped up too many photographs, let too many tears hit the floor, let too many men treat them wrongly, as if ten-year-olds had been involved in all the scandal of your average Sex and the City episode. The only problem I have with this is that it places all the value (for me as a little girl anyway) on being jaded, and none on being innocent. It doesn't have to be equated with virginity, but no one can say that both innocence and virginity don't possess a special beauty of their own. The silver lining to these lyrics is the promise that Biebs will "Show you what you're worth/I'm gonna put you first"--which would be kind of a sweet sentiment if I felt any men anywhere felt worthy of emulating the all-powerful Biebs.

But let's move on to what these three stunning women were able to illuminate about this particular pop tune. In addition to spinning heart-stage (and I told you Julia, Bieber would never stoop to using a headset mic!), during the live performance of "One Less Lonely Girl" one girl is always chosen to come up on stage, sit on a stool, and be sung to by Justin Bieber personally. The shocking use of girl as prop is enough, but the eighteenish girls also informed me that one must not only have exquisitely perfected the art of sitting, but also be wearing shorts, lest a twelve-year-old crotch shot occur in front of thousands of fans. In the video below, Selena Gomez wears a sparkly dress and tights, but is careful to always keep her legs elegantly crossed.

I know that it's every girl's dream to be sung to by their favourite pop star, but let's face it: if we look at what this video is depicting and leave all the pop culture stuff out, it's all sorta kinda wrong. I'd probably feel kinda empty after leaving that stage if I was chosen to sit on the Lonely Girl Stool (hey, maybe we can equate this stuff with early sexual experiences), since Justin is careful to somehow sing right to Selena, graze her arms with his fingertips, but somehow also direct his gaze outward to everyone else, giving his eyes a kind of scared, darty look. So we're left with darty Justin and resplendent Selena, already looking every inch the legal drinker. It's a scientific fact that girls mature faster than boys, so why are these sexy, cheekboned, high-heeled, smart, charismatic, energetic girls left snapping their fingers and bobbing their heads in total silence, waiting for their tap on the shoulder so they may rise and dance with short, baby-faced, awkward little boys?

The matriarch of the group gave me an answer. Every generation has had their teen pop idol, and all have faded. It's pretty clear she didn't end up with a Monkee for a husband. In my view, any girl who would like to be rescued by Justin Bieber need only look in the mirror for a more than adequate substitute. But maybe mom is always right, and the sands of time will only sift and re-sift the endless grains of boy pop stars, eventually blowing them all far away.